"Carles and I were together in a creative writing class at NYU. He wrote long, elliptical, and often nonsensical (though in a manner that almost always, in my view, enhanced his marvelous work) stories about growing up in Texas, how he felt sad for the cattle, or what he thought was cattle—it might’ve been tumbleweed or a group of environmentally-friendly cars—in the distance, that he sometimes saw from his fourth floor bedroom’s window. Carles was a marvelous writer of unbelievable range and a deep understanding of Spanish." -Tao LinTaking a break on a baby job right now, it's lunch again at my desk. Have officially quit wondering why no one invites me to lunch, when everyone else appears to have groups they traipse out with. And the reason I have given up wondering is because as it turns out: I like it this way. Had a fight with someone at work, which Le Peaux's Dad sorted out as diplomatically as possible. He reminds me to be the salt and the light, and I know, I know...but it's just hard always having to be nice all the time. Why can't I just be my own approximation of nice? Either way, have promised to work on my level of 'niceness'. Am glad Le Peaux's Dad was very clear to the others that they should not take my mannerisms personally, and that though I may come off as 'rude' I care a lot about getting the work done, and getting it done well. I did my part in apologizing, though it wasn't easy. I do admit for a minute there, my 18 year old vengeful self nearly came out. There's still a bit of drama left in me from high school after all.
It's been 26 days without smoking, today. Am chewing on one of my last pieces of gum at my desk. Just finished giving a university-type lecture to some Advertising fish. We talked about resolving conflict. Patches and I gave them so tips and showed them campaigns we liked that never happened. There was a lot of theory and speaking about what we'd like 'ideally'.
They observed that being a Creative was the most fun one could have in an agency. I know that to be true for myself, but it's all about finding The Element (by Ken Robinson). I am crazy about this topic right now, because I finally received the answer to every debate I couldn't win against authority figures and institutions I faced my entire life. I had trouble in every single one of the American schools I went to. From being being suspended and drug-tested on an almost regular basis, to being on probation and failing classes, I was always told that I wasn't performing up to standard. My GPA was too low, my SAT scores not high enough, and of course there was this elusive 'attitude problem.' The education system was killing me; that's how I felt most every day. The were discouraging every spark of creativity I had left from elementary school and forcing me to become a University professor of some sort, forcing me to use one side of my brain more than the other, by not placing importance nor attention upon the talents I appeared to have in English and in Dance. The never ask us, "If you could spend the whole day in school doing whatever you wanted, what would you do?" Your answer there would be the creativity that lives in every child and gets stifled by every education system.
The reason Ken Robinson strikes such a cord with me is because growing up, I was constantly told that I was a below average student. It didn't matter that I lead my homeroom to veto decisions, that I love choreography (and could easily spend hours after school doing it for the school's showcase) or that I was Vice President of the student council. None of that mattered because the huge sign I wore which only teachers could read said, "I am failing math." But really, what does that even mean? Could anyone else come up with book reviews overnight, organize a bake sale at a moments notice, or be in a Shakespeare play acting as a man playing a woman convincingly? No. Good students passed math and science, that was the end of the story. And so I quit dancing, because they said it was less important than passing Chemistry. But I never gave up on writing.
To be who I really was, and to even know who I really was, I needed the adults around me (including my parents) to believe in finding my true talents, away from the conventional routes to success.
I managed to find my way back to being a kid again, being Creative as much as one day allows, and as much as I'm inclined to be. Knowing that it took awhile, but I managed to erase what education did to me and find out myself, that the love I have for writing, and the talent I have for it, can actually come together in my work. No one in school spotted this passion; not every foot will fit the shoe after all.
I have recently tried to share my findings with my parents, and Jenny has taken to it quite well (the memory of my rebellion in tact) and says that I wasn't very strong 'academically', but that she loved to see me dance, and that I wrote an entry essay to college about the reasons I had failed math my entire life. I hope things are different for your kids.
By then, a richer conception of the human capacity will have emerged and made itself impossible to ignore.
